I clearly remember that my first thought for the the day was: High Functioning my ass….
Not something normal to be a person’s first thought, but if you had the night I had, you would understand. Abby’s anxiety was out of control last night and she would scream blue murder if she would wake up and realize I am not holding her. I am right next to her. Like literally next to her in bed. Just not holding her. She would tap me in the face to wake me to hold her. That was my whole night. Constant. Non stop.
The rest of the day has not gone any better. We discovered our hallway cupboard – the one that has ALL our bedding, blankets etc in, has mold in it. So everything is on the floor in the bathroom at the moment, to get washed. So that is chaos by itself. But because of Abby’s anxiety she won’t even go to the bathroom by herself. So she holds it until it is almost too late. Run to the toilet screaming for one of us to come with, she can’t be alone. We would be too late resulting in her wetting herself, the floor and ALL the bedding on the floor. Wipe and repeat. Wipe and repeat.
In the middle of all this, Sky has been acting out like crazy. To a point where I actually decided to put her in a school. I have been in tears most of the evening and my spirit is just too tired.
We had to go to Kleinskool today – Kleinskool is an informal settlement just outside our city. I do charity work there and needed to go drop things. They are working on the roads and we ended up being stuck in traffic for hours. With a constant: “Mommy take me out of the seat. Mommy I need you”. While she is crying and leaning out of her car seat clawing on my arm to get her closer to me.
By the time we got home, I just had enough of this day. Just to find the neighbors left an anonymous note telling us that our dog barked the whole time we were out and we better make a plan to stop her barking while we are out. The dog has very bad separation anxiety and is with us 90% of the time. We can’t take that huge dog with us in the car for hours. So you know what neighbors, screw you.
My body has also been acting up and the doctors has narrowed it down to either early menopause or fybromaligia. So there is that…
So it is 23:45 and I now have to work because I could not do any work during the day because of the children’s constant needs. It just never stopped. My brain is tired. My body is tired. My spirit is tired.
But tomorrow (okay I have 15 more minutes to feel sorry for myself) is a new day. Big girl panties on…