Posted in Random nothings

Why #respekthedoek is important to all women


#respekthedoek is not just another something that ‘us activists’ wants to jump on. This is actually important to all women and dads of women. If you have a daughter / mother / wife or are one, this is important to you.

Let me explain a little why I am so passionate about THIS cause.

My very first relationship – well first serious one in anyway, was an abusive relationship. I was physically, emotionally and sexually abused by this man. I was 18 at the time and if I only knew the signs and what my rigths were. But I didn’t know better and allowed this to carry on for 2 years of my life. I am thankful for the lessons it taught me and now I can speak out and let other women know what to look out for and what the signs are of a narcissist.

He dictated what I wore, what I ate – how much I ate, who I spoke to, what time I went to bed. This happened while living in the house with my parents and they had no clue. By the time my mom realized that he was bad for me, I was so brainwashed that I turned on her. I felt I had to stay with him. Being a good Christian girl I was taught sex before marriage is wrong. And to me sex was sex, even if it was forced. He loved me, so it was ‘okay’. And he would tell me all the time if I don’t behave the way he want me to behave, he will tell my mom and the rest of the world. And nobody would want me then, because I was second hand – used goods.

He would force me to eat more because he would not want me to loose weight because losing weight would mean that other men would look at me. I still remember how he would take my face in his hands and force down a piece of chocolate. Snackers is to this day still a trigger for me. And we all know that my weight is still an issue to this day.

When it came to clothing he was very strict on what I wore. I had to be covered up at all times. Nobody were allowed to look at me. And this is where my issue comes in with somebody being told what to wear. I can’t stress enough how important it is for us to teach our daughters / sisters / friends that it is NEVER okay to be told what to wear and how to act. If I knew this 20 years ago I would have seen the signs. This was the first sign. The first second he told me what to wear (or not) I should have seen the sign, I should have known that this is the beginning of a very bad thing. And this is what my daughters will know. I will teach them that it is never allowed that they are being dictated to. They are individuals and they are loved for who they are. Nobody should have that power over you to dictate how you express yourself, how you carry yourself.

We need to protect our children and loved ones. The ‘big bad wolf’ is not always the stranger, it sometimes are the person you are in love with, it’s the person you think you can trust. Let’s not teach them to be on the look out for stranger danger and forget to teach them how to protect themselves from the dangers near them.


Please feel free to share this. You can help somebody..



Owner of Geek World South Africa. Owner of Tipanga Photography.

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